Today is my husband’s birthday. It is also a Thursday. For some reason I love Thursdays. I always have. Maybe because Thursday means Friday is right around the corner. Maybe because the television line-up for Thursdays is so good. I really wouldn’t know about that now because we never watch television. This is just a distant memory. Didn’t E.R. air on Thursday? Anyway…back to topic. Today is my husband’s birthday.
In honor or such a sweet, kind man, I am going to blog about some pretty unknown facts about things that he commonly says. I say unknown because my sweet John is a man of few words. You have to know him pretty well to have any idea that these things come out of his mouth. These will be listed in random order (as they come to my mind).
1. douche bag-I hate this one. But I have heard it more than once from his mouth. His granddaughters (thank goodness) have no idea what this is and after spending the weekend with their papa, began calling each other “dish rag”. Much better! 🙂
2. Stump Hauler-this phrase is commonly used for those people in life that just can’t be reasoned with and/or are not the brightest crayon in the box. One day in town we actually saw an oversized trailer being hauled by an 18-wheeler with a HUGE stump. It was very comedic to us.
3. Freak of Nature or F.O.N. -this is also a very commonly used word around here. If someone does something that doesn’t quite “click” with him, then they might be labeled as an F.O.N. When our son was about two years old (he spoke very early), he told us that his four-year old cousin was a “freak of nature because he picks his nose”. Unfortunately, he carries this same title at times.
4. Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra-I guess that’s pretty cold. Enough said.
5. A mule looking at a new gate-that dumb look that some people get…you know you have seen it before. Crazy eyes!
6. This is livin’ in America-this is commonly said after a good meal or after a day of enjoyment such as riding motorcycles or taking the boat out.
7. So good makes you want to slap your mother-in-law. Another one often used in regard to a meal.
8. I’ve Dined Sufficiently-obviously food related.
9. Feel Better?-you might be asked this if you accidentally burp in front of him.
10. I’ve had worse cuts on my eyeball-not much sympathy for those many boo-boo’s that our children endure. Must be why they come to me to kiss it.
11. I’d rather fight a circular saw-I hate the image this conjures up in my mind. This is what he would say if he encountered a really tough guy.
12. I’m gonna throw you in the dumpster-tells our son (and other people’s children) that he is going to dispose of them in this manner.
There are more, I’m sure. I just cannot think of them right now. This is one post I might be revisiting.
I adore my husband. He is very kind-hearted and a joy to share life with. (I know I am not supposed to end a sentence with the word “with”, but it just couldn’t be written any other way.) He is my superman. But that is a whole other blog. Love you John!
THE RE-VISIT (SO SOON!):
13. Nicknames that John has for people-they are usually pretty original! Sometimes it’s just because he has a hard time with names, but mostly it’s just his way. Here are a few-
Merica-our sweet daughter-in-law, Jerica
Leroy-a cousin named Roddy and NOBODY else better call him “Leroy”. He absolutely does not allow anyone but John to call him this.
Rodchester-our beautiful niece Brooke who is about to get married. He has always called her this. Don’t know why, but it has always been something special to her.
Missy-his 1st born Melissa-Missy just always stuck! She is a little sassy and super sweet!
Thumper-our boy Sam. John says he is like a KTM motorcycle. It can go through it all and it keeps on going. Therefore it was dubbed “Thumper”.
I must add another one.
14. N.A.T.-not a toy-This term was coined when Sam grew big enough to reach for things that a baby didn’t need to be touching. So one day John told him, “That’s a N.A.T.” It worked. The boy never touched anything on that table ever again and anytime we said, “That’s a N.A.T.”, his little hand went back to his side. Now it is funny to hear Sam tell our little darling 20 month-old the same phrase.