John-isms

Today is my husband’s birthday.  It is also a Thursday.  For some reason I love Thursdays.  I always have.  Maybe because Thursday means Friday is right around the corner.  Maybe because the television line-up for Thursdays is so good.  I really wouldn’t know about that now because we never watch television.  This is just a distant memory.  Didn’t E.R. air on Thursday?  Anyway…back to topic.  Today is my husband’s birthday. 

In honor or such a sweet, kind man, I am going to blog about some pretty unknown facts about things that he commonly says.  I say unknown because my sweet John is a man of few words.  You have to know him pretty well to have any idea that these things come out of his mouth.  These will be listed in random order (as they come to my mind).

1.  douche bag-I hate this one.  But I have heard it more than once from his mouth.  His granddaughters (thank goodness) have no idea what this is and after spending the weekend with their papa, began calling each other “dish rag”.  Much better!  🙂

2.  Stump Hauler-this phrase is commonly used for those people in life that just can’t be reasoned with and/or are not the brightest crayon in the box.  One day in town we actually saw an oversized trailer being hauled by an 18-wheeler with a HUGE stump.  It was very comedic to us.

3.  Freak of Nature or F.O.N. -this is also a very commonly used word around here.  If someone does something that doesn’t quite “click” with him, then they might be labeled as an F.O.N.  When our son was about two years old (he spoke very early), he told us that his four-year old cousin was a “freak of nature because he picks his nose”.  Unfortunately, he carries this same title at times. 

4.  Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra-I guess that’s pretty cold.  Enough said.

5.  A mule looking at a new gate-that dumb look that some people get…you know you have seen it before.  Crazy eyes!

6.  This is livin’ in America-this is commonly said after a good meal or after a day of enjoyment such as riding motorcycles or taking the boat out.

7.  So good makes you want to slap your mother-in-law.  Another one often used in regard to a meal.

8.  I’ve Dined Sufficiently-obviously food related.

9.  Feel Better?-you might be asked this if you accidentally burp in front of him. 

10.  I’ve had worse cuts on my eyeball-not much sympathy for those many boo-boo’s that our children endure.  Must be why they come to me to kiss it. 

11.  I’d rather fight a circular saw-I hate the image this conjures up in my mind.  This is what he would say if he encountered a really tough guy.

12.  I’m gonna throw you in the dumpster-tells our son (and other people’s children) that he is going to dispose of them in this manner.

There are more, I’m sure.  I just cannot think of them right now.  This is one post I might be revisiting. 

I adore my husband.  He is very kind-hearted and a joy to share life with. (I know I am not supposed to end a sentence with the word “with”, but it just couldn’t be written any other way.)  He is my superman.  But that is a whole other blog.  Love you John!

THE RE-VISIT (SO SOON!):

13.  Nicknames that John has for people-they are usually pretty original!  Sometimes it’s just because he has a hard time with names, but mostly it’s just his way.  Here are a few-

  • Merica-our sweet daughter-in-law, Jerica
  • Leroy-a cousin named Roddy and NOBODY else better call him “Leroy”.  He absolutely does not allow anyone but John to call him this.
  • Rodchester-our beautiful niece Brooke who is about to get married.  He has always called her this.  Don’t know why, but it has always been something special to her.
  • Missy-his 1st born Melissa-Missy just always stuck!  She is a little sassy and super sweet!
  •  Thumper-our boy Sam.  John says he is like a KTM motorcycle.  It can go through it all and it keeps on going.  Therefore it was dubbed “Thumper”.

I must add another one. 

14.  N.A.T.-not a toy-This term was coined when Sam grew big enough to reach for things that a baby didn’t need to be touching.  So one day John told him, “That’s a N.A.T.”  It worked.  The boy never touched anything on that table ever again and anytime we said, “That’s a N.A.T.”, his little hand went back to his side.  Now it is funny to hear Sam tell our little darling 20 month-old the same phrase.

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10 responses to “John-isms

  1. Kathy

    This makes me miss ya’ll even more. John is a wonderful guy! Proud of your no tv comment…. 🙂 I love you all! Hope you all have a wonderful day together!

  2. John is truly “salt of the earth” (makes this world tasty). I always wondered why witche’s tits were so cold…I’d never heard about their bras.

    One of my many “John stories”: On a camping trip the boys (my nephews Sam and Evan) were being especially rambunctous in the RV. Everyone had told them to stop running around, etc. John finally says “If you two don’t stop, I am going to cut your legs off (probably with a chain saw) and use them to spank you”. I laughed because it sounded so violent. Evan wasn’t so sure about the treat and said (in his best 4 year old bossy voice), “That’s not funny”. Of course then we all laughed.

  3. Hilarious! and what a great picture!

    Happy Birthday John!

  4. Jerica

    Classic! You should add his many nicknames for people…that would be a good one because where he comes up with this stuff is beyond me. Todd picks up on it cause he too speaks in John-isms at times!!! Love you Daddy! happy 35th Birthday!

  5. Number 4 and 12 are my favorites….LOL Your husband has a sense of humor! And that is sooo important in marriage and in life ; )

  6. jerica

    PERFECT! Love the addition!! And the best art is he calls me Merica so much Sam doesn’t even know my name is Jerica lol

  7. Jenny I just read your entire blog! I didn’t know you had one. Good stuff! Happy birthday to John! Love you and miss you both (and the grand kids)
    Love Dad

  8. Melissa Stewart

    I enjoyed reading this very much. He makes me smile. You make me smile for making him smile. Happy birthday to an amazing man whom without life would be so bland. Lot’s of Love.
    Missy

  9. Jerry McBride

    All I can really say in response to this blog is know wonder I get along with John so well I say some of these same things and do often. I need to come see ya’ll soon.

    Happy Birthday John

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Proverbs 22:1

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